Congratulations on getting clarity. You now have a formal autism diagnosis (or ADHD, or both). That’s a huge step. But the diagnosis itself isn’t the end; it’s just the beginning. This page walks through what might come next and how to move forward intentionally.
The Immediate After: Processing
- You might feel all of these things (sometimes at once):
- Relief: “Finally, someone said it out loud. I’m not crazy.”
- Grief: “All those years I thought I was broken. All the ways I tried to be ‘normal.’ What did I miss out on?”
- Validation: “My struggles were real. I wasn’t lazy or attention-seeking.”
- Anger: “Why didn’t anyone see this earlier? Why did I have to wait decades?”
- Fear: “What does this mean for my future? Will people treat me differently?”
- Confusion: “I have a diagnosis, but I still don’t know what to do with it.”
- Belonging: “I’m not alone. There are other people like me.”
- All of it is normal. A diagnosis is emotionally complex. You’re integrating new information about yourself, grieving time lost, and imagining a different future (sometimes, all at once).
- Give yourself time. There’s no rush to “do something” with your diagnosis immediately. Processing matters.
Step 1: Tell People (Or Don’t)
- Your diagnosis is yours. You get to decide who knows.
- People you might tell:
- Partner/spouse: If you live with someone, they’re likely affected. Understanding your autism together can deepen intimacy and reduce conflict.
- Close family: Parents, siblings, close relatives might benefit from understanding, though this comes with risk (some families are unsupportive).
- Employer/HR: If you need accommodations at work
- School/professors: If you’re a student, and if accommodations could help your academic functioning
- Best friends and other people you trust with vulnerable information
- Therapist/counselor, if you work with one
- Doctor: Especially if they prescribe medication; autism can affect medication metabolism
- People you might NOT tell:
- Acquaintances or casual coworkers
- Your boss (unless you need accommodations)
- People with a history of judgment or invalidation
- Anyone you don’t trust with sensitive information
- How to tell people:
- Keep it simple. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation:
- “I was recently diagnosed with autism. It explains a lot about how I work, and I’m still processing it, but I wanted you to know because you matter to me.”*
- That’s enough. You can answer questions if you want, or keep it brief. Your choice.
Step 2: Do Your Own Research (Carefully)
Now that you have a diagnosis, you might want to learn more. Be intentional about where you get information. Consider the following…
Recommended sources:
- Autistic self-advocates: Look for writing/content by actually autistic people (not just parents or clinicians talking *about* autism)
- Books by autistic authors:
- “NeuroTribes” by Steve Silberman (history and neurodiversity perspective)
- “The Autistic Brain” by Temple Grandin and Richard Panek
- “Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity”
Less helpful sources:
- Outdated DSM-IV materials (before 2013; diagnostic criteria changed)
- Pathology-focused clinical writing that treats autism as disease
- Parenting blogs and other resources focused on “fixing” autism (not for you; might increase shame)
- Unvetted internet sources making medical claims
Start reading, but don’t get stuck.
Learning can be powerfully positive, but avoid falling into research loops that increase anxiety or self-doubt. You know yourself. Use information to deepen understanding, not to second-guess your diagnosis.
Step 3: Make Practical Changes (If You Want)
Now that you understand yourself better, you might want to adjust your life. Here are ideas by domain:
Sensory Environment
- At home: Dim lights, noise-canceling headphones, comfortable clothing without tags, designated quiet space
- At work: Seek telework if possible, ask for a quieter workspace, use headphones with music/white noise
- Daily: Simplify sensory input where you can (fewer scents, softer textures, predictable routines)
Social life
- Give yourself permission to:
- Be quiet in social situations
- Leave events early
- Say no to small talk and small-group hangouts
- Have close friendships with fewer people instead of large social circles
- Text instead of call
- Be yourself instead of masking
- Find your people: Seek out other autistic or neurodivergent folks (online or in-person)
- Set boundaries: If someone requires constant energy from you, it’s okay to step back
Work/School
- Ask for accommodations. Some common accommodations:
- Written instructions (in addition to verbal)
- Email summaries of meetings
- Flexible schedule if possible
- Quiet space for breaks
- Reduced meeting load if feasible
- Deadline extensions when possible
- You can disclose selectively. You don’t have to tell your boss you’re autistic, but you can request specific accommodations
Time Management
- Build in buffer time
- Transitions are hard; don’t schedule things back-to-back
- Batch tasks
- Do similar tasks together (reduces cognitive switching)
- Protect recharge time
- Solo time isn’t luxury; it’s necessary
- Honor your energy cycles
- Some days you have more capacity; honor that
- Eliminate optional commitments
Relationships
- Tell your partner/spouse (if you have one)
- Explain your actual needs
- “When I need alone time, I’m not rejecting you. I’m regulating. I actually love you more and can be more present when I’m regulated.”
- Create routines together
- People with neurodivergence thrive on the sense of safety created by a routine
- Give permission to be honest
- “Tell me if I’m being insensitive or if you need something different”
Contact us today
for your free consultation.
for your free consultation.